Hail, today is father's day. A day I have been waiting for since this date last year. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting gifts or flowers, beyond those already in my hand – for those of you who are already fathers, will know that fatherhood is in itself a divine gift that is precious because it teaches you to love unconditionally, to nurture someone beyond yourself, to run to protect another in the face of grave danger, to give to others without considering the return, and bond with something other than the mirror!.
Last year too on this auspicious day I had penned a piece that was widely read and shared. This year though I would like to dwell on fatherhood from a different perspective.
But let me start with motherhood, for it’s critical to fatherhood. Everyone you meet, everyone who speaks on the subject acknowledges that motherhood is tough. From conception to delivery, the nine months or less in between, the delivery itself either natural or surgical, and the months and years of parenting thereafter - are a tribute to a woman's ability to sustain pain with love. As the child enters his or her teens, the pangs get worse, for despite her trauma in bringing the child into the world, and the devotion to his or her wellbeing in the years following, she tends to get ignored, more so her instructions and advice. This is very traumatic. In between, she has to choose or manage - a career or household management. Should she choose both, either out of necessity or ambition, she could be in for more than she can handle, and yet she does.... So I have nothing but respect for mothers, for I too was born of one and created one and have seen their trials and tribulations at close quarters.
But on this very special day for fathers - it was created so that fathers will not be forgotten - being a father myself, I must remind all that fathers are special because fatherhood is a special experience. I recall I did not enter the labour room though invited to do so for reasons I now regret! For that is the first experience of fatherhood and I missed the bus. However I do recall the time I was handed my son wrapped in swaddling clothes. He was my first born, and coming from a small family with only an elder sibling - I was the baby most of the time - I was very scared to take this crying babe in my arms, lest I drop him! But as time passed and necessity wore out my fears, I learnt a lot about mothering a child, (it goes much beyond fathering a child!) and though there was one more thereafter, I wouldn’t consider myself an expert even today.
But that is not true of what I call modern fathers. They are born into small nuclear families and create their own nuclear families when they marry and procreate. They do get the support of their extended families, but since they too have dwindled in size, the support is for a limited period. For the rest they have to manage themselves - the hospitals, the nappies, the toilet training, the naughtiness. They enjoy the child's development together and naturally they cannot leave the difficult parts to one or the other, as they both possibly are employed and run a business that demands their time and attention. So fathers have learnt to involve themselves in every aspect of the child’s upbringing – from the physical to the emotional, where formerly they used to stay away either due to a lack of self-confidence in their ability to handle the changed role or the just the belief that it is not a man's role – that only a mother can mother. If you look around, especially in the cities, there are many households where the father would rather manage the house hold and involve himself in his child's upbringing, while the wife brings home the bacon. Once upon time this would have been frowned upon, not any longer.
Recognising this, countries across the world have introduced the concept of Paternity leave. In India it is not yet mandated by law, but the central government has a mandated paternity leave policy that provides leave for a central government employee for a period of 15 days so that he can take care of his wife and the newborn. This leave can be taken only when the father has less than two surviving children and he can avail the leave of 15 days before or within 6 months from the date of birth of the child. Not enough, given the complicated work life balance that most couples in cities have to work through, but it is a beginning.
Single dads, hats off to them too. They are both mother and father to the child or they try to be and they do remarkably well. They have learnt to be emotional, absorb emotions and cater to every need of the child anticipating perhaps how the child's mother would have dealt with the situation. The father cannot obviously be a replacement or a replica, but in his own inimitable way, he can provide a complete family environment up to a point. There is enough evidence of this.
The father-child relationship grows with time, with the child initially looking up to the father to provide, protect and procure what is necessary for him / her, but with time especially as life gets a little more complicated in the teens and beyond the emotional bonds strengthen. The elastic stretches as the child moves into his twenties but the mutual respect and emotional bond remains strong on both sides - generally. Time and distance do erode this bond to some extent, but it remains even if tenuous till death.
Three cheers to all fathers, and about to be fathers!
https://www.newskarnataka.com/opinion/fathers-lets-celebrate-today-mothers-please-join
No comments:
Post a Comment