An Indian PM's Diary

• Disclaimer: This is a satirical work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
  
  
  Date line : August 2015
  
  
  Two countries and a state. Pakistan, UAE and Bihar. All on my agenda these past weeks. I surprised my colleagues when I  suddenly decided to visit the UAE. I had returned to the country on the 13th of July, and almost immediately the itch began - I quickly began to miss the single minded attention and the selfies - and on the 16th I took off for Abu Dhabi - the 26th foreign country I have visited in the 15 months I have been in office. It's a real pleasure to represent India abroad. India must benefit, no matter the strain on me. That's been my mantra all along. 
  
  
  By then I had  remained in India for a month, ostensibly tied down to the capital by the Monsoon session of parliament and Independence, but fully dependent on a unified and aggressive opposition out for my jugular.  I managed to stay away from the scalpel, deftly deploying instead my soldiers to quell the rebellion, while I guided strategy from the rear and watched with amusement, and a little consternation the unity and ferociousness of the opposition. Gradually the Monsoon session washed itself out, despite the monsoon being 12% in deficit. Quite strange I thought.  
  
  
  In the meanwhile, ex soldiers were out on the street. I didn't have much to offer them, certainly not what they wanted - one rank one pension on their terms - and they were not taking it lying down. Like most people, I'd forgotten that they were soldiers and deserved better. I realized my words wouldn't soothe them, I had tried and failed, and I tried again on Independence day, but for them, independence meant freedom from want. But then I'd to balance between their arrears and a package of 1.65 lakh crore for Bihar. In front of this sum, 8500 Crore was a pittance I realized  - but the dilemma was, what was more important? 
  
  
  

  It was time to host the Pakistan NSA - and I told my NSA that tis time he got his act together - People are crossing the border without Id's and Passports, but with guns and ammunition, and in Pakistan itself they are letting all the terrorists go scot free despite our clinching evidence. Some ammunition was needed, and he directed NIA chief in person, to milk the apprehended Pak terrorist, Naved, aka Usman, the first one caught alive after Ajmal Kasab, for information before he came across the border. They established that he was Pakistani, but little else, and then poked him with the truth serum to get more out of him.  He seemed to be having the time of his life, a step up from his days in Pakistan perhaps - three square meals a day, medical attention and body guards. 
  
  
  I knew for certain, that  Paksistan would be getting ready with the Question - If you can settle the Bangaldesh border issue, which has been festering for decades, why cant you do the same with Pakistan?. I asked the NSA and his answer? its not so simple my friend. There is the matter of History, Lakhvi, Saeed and Dawood, and polical cumpulsion.  He suggested I rush of to the UAE and convince them to help get Dawood back by squeezing him where it hurts - money supply. Good Idea I thought, and rushed off managing to convince them to look into his dealings there. Whether blood is thicker than water, only time will tell.  Meanwhile it was chanting and selfie time.
  
  
  

  I was a happy man. Social media, my most important barometer of succes, hailed my visit, as did the twitterati, the electronic media without exception (earlier it was only prasar bharathi, now its everyone on the bandwagon - I've really brought about massive 'parivartan') and most of all whats app the host of all my selfies, hailed my visit as a grand success. What more could i ask for? What a roar I heard when I entered the Dubai cricket stadium and all through my speech, but only when I paused. It was so unlike the temple of democracy back home, where they roared to have me pause, and then start up again as soon as I resumed. It had become so bad, that this time I avoided going there all together! In the end it didn't really make a difference though, the result was the same - a big zero. But enough of negatives. Lets focus on the positives.
  
  
  I got to shake hands of some of my fellow Indians, both the rich and famous and those who live in godawful conditions only to bring back the buck. I enjoyed meeting them, but became uncomfortable when they asked me for the same things that folks back home ask without much success - Here I could ignore their cries, but there? no way. They asked me the most mundane things - better accommodation, cheaper flight tickets, repatriation insurance, and voting rights, and no taxes back home - just as they enjoy in the UAE.  We have worked hard - we cant give it up they said - and I was reminded of the 'giveitup' campaign I had launched in India for people who did not have to much to give, after the government took most of it in taxes.
  
  

  
  

  It was time to get back - this was getting complicated and Bihar was going to the elections -I had to go straight there ask them for their votes, and I knew that they wouldn't come for free - I would have to give them a special package, not that it would make much of difference, but at least it would push us to the front of the line.   

  
  

  I heard the same roar when I announced the package, and was relieved - things were back on track after a real trying fortnight.