Thursday, 28 July 2016

The Condition - Speech at Toastmasters


After an exhausting installation ceremony of the Port Town Toastmasters Club, I was sitting along with Area Director Sagnik and Division Director Poorvi, exchanging pleasnatries, when, as they concentrated on their fruit cake and jelabi's, I fell silent, eyes open staring into space.  Preetham, our VP PR came up to me and said, what are you doing? You look like you are in the labor waiting room and you've just got the news that your wife has delivered triplets!  I was shocked and for a minute I actually believed her. For I was faraway from the BMS hotel where the function was held, literally in a blank funk!

I am a dreamer, but not of dreams. I rarely get them. I tend to drift into space, not on a rocket, but on a cycle, pedalling away in a vacuum. There is no road, nothing on either side or no light at the end of the tunnel. My expression is vacant - I am there and yet I am not. I know it, and yet I find it difficult to restrain myself from doing that. For something to hold me in the here and now, would require me to be in a dangerous situation of life and death, and then too I am not sure whether I would be in the Netherlands! I am told Amsterdam is nice place!

My wife and kids constantly tease me about my condition as they call it. I don’t notice when they have a haircut, or what clothes they wear, so long as they wear them, and often they talk about me when I am in the room, confident that I will not register what they are saying. But the condition is not so bad, one ear does pick up my name, though I often feign ignorance - fueling the myth of my condition! Its called selective hearing. One often develops this condition a few years into marriage perhaps, but I guess I had what these insurance advisors call a preexisting condition.

But I think I developed it long before.  At a birthday party of a friend, I must have been in College then, we were seated in circle, on sofas or chairs. Next to each of the sofas, were teapoys or small stools to keep the glasses - soft drinks mind you - we were holding and bowls of snacks. I was sitting at the edge of one of the sofas and next to me was a teapoy on which my glass was kept. I picked it up for a sip and kept holding it for a moment thereafter, and fell back into my lost stupor. A little while later, I kept my glass down on the teapoy. But the teapoy was no longer there as it had been taken away. The glass shattered and everybody yelled at me. I felt like sheep on the way to its slaughter.  They say there's no harm in day dreaming, but there is.

In fact I was an ordinary student, not a terrible student because I was often day dreaming. Still, I managed to get into college, but my daydreaming threatened to sabotage me. I used behavior modification to break the cycle. I started by setting an arbitrary time limit on studying: for every 15 minutes of study, I'd allow myself an hour of daydreaming. I set the alarm and I cleared college, my CC CL ACB ALB. Not bad?

But I wonder why I do it. Why do I have the condition? Daydreaming allows me to play out scenarios where you miraculously save the day. I play out scenarios in my head that are kind of crazy, and then I personally, heroically resolve them. Instead of being ordinary Brian Fernandez, attending to my daily routine, I am faraway on a star trek, a hero to someone somewhere, but remain a guy here on earth who looks like he had triplets to those who are looking at me. Now both are pleasurable I am sure, though I haven’t experienced the latter and it may be too late for it.

Visualization is daydreaming with a purpose says Bo Bennett and I reassure myself that I am on the right track, but I am jolted from the reality when I try to start my bike with the car keys or wear my T shirt inside out. But what takes the cake is applying toothpaste instead of shaving cream. 

I’m sure all of this will get better as I get older, and I can already feel it. Toastmasters has helped in this regard very much. I am now able to make a full speech with confidence, even though my mind is on mars.

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