Better Naughty than Nice

I am a nice guy. That’s what my wife says. That’s because I am nice to her – most of the time.

I remember when we first got married, many eons ago it seems now, and we moved out of our respective houses to a place in blore, we were on our own for the first time, and there was no hotel worth its salt nearby.  I knew to fry cutlets, but I didn’t know how to make them, so I left it to her to rustle up something for dinner after the cleaning process, which we had undertaken the whole day was over.

Dinner was ready, I was ready. We sat down to eat. She insisted I say the prayer before meals that both of us were taught separately, but now had to say together, in the hope that the Almighty might bless what we were about to eat.  Perhaps he didn’t hear the prayer, or maybe it was too late. I suspect the latter and I hoped fervently that he would perform that wine miracle with the water on the table. But I forgot – I was already married.

As I put the first mouthful of my dinner in my mouth, I turned to my wife and asked – You followed a recipe? She said seriously. Yes. My own. Why is it not nice? It is I said. Just a little salt would have helped. Come on, don’t be sarcastic. It’s not nice I know. I said but it’s nice. She said you are lying. I said no, its nice. She said I don’t believe you. Yes it is, and I am saying it because I am a nice guy. That was it – I got the cold shoulder, the silent treatment and no meals for a couple of days.

I am a nice guy, because we’re taught from a very early age that being nice is a virtue. From the time we were infants, our parents told us to "be nice." They taught us to be polite and to share, and to be considerate and kind. For the most part, it's good advice. Society depends upon civility to function and relationships require mutual respect. However, one can be too nice and when you're too nice, people tend to take advantage of you — women included.

I always thought being nice is a virtue until someone told me I was too nice – She said – Don’t be nice, be naughty, and you’ll have great relationships. She also told me how to recognize the fact. Good Advice. Here’s what she said….

1- You're too respectful

In most social situations, good manners and respect for other people will get you pretty far, but your spouse wants you to be demanding, not always, but on occasions.  She wants a gentleman, but longs for a tiger.  Be one – with restraint….

2- You're too interested

You are too interested in what your partner is doing or going to do than yourself. Initially its fine but it can make you a boring and irritating individual. Get interested in yourself – demand your space and respect hers – that’s what she wants. But don’t call your friends home too often to watch the IPL over a bottle of beer.

3- You're too complimentary

She’s looking terrible, or has dressed terribly or has a bad headache, and you say, you are looking good, when both she and you know she is not. You're being too nice. Every woman loves to be complimented, but every woman also wants your compliments to be genuine. Be authentic, not nice.

4- You're too understanding

She is mean to the neighbor because she is angry, and you have a different point of view. You back her fully – because you are understanding. That's great, but one can be too understanding and that's another one of the signs you're too nice.

5- You're too cheerful

You are always cheerful, with a smile on your face. If you're smiling and cheery all the time, you're too nice. Everyone gets pissed off once in a while. More to the point, sometimes anger is a completely justifiable response.

You need to be nice, yes and I’ve given you tips to realize when you are too nice. The key is to be authentic, not merely nice. Ignore Politically Correct Behavior - be selfish, be critical, be judgmental, and show anger every once in a while – She will know that you are genuine and capable of expression of feeling.

 Let me end with an example that will frame it for you.

Getting back to the years of yore – when we got married, we lived on the second floor of a rudimentary apartment complex and like now – there was a water shortage.  So I requested my parents to send a metal drum from home which promptly arrived by lorry. My wife had a moped and being the kind of bindaas couple we were, we picked it up on the moped – She was riding and I was riding shotgun, drum in hand -  it was huge. Close to home, she braked when on a narrow road she saw a rather large on coming vehicle and we both fell together with the drum on top of me. Bystanders didn’t have mobiles then, so they rushed to help, and helped her up, but left me to get up by myself and dust myself off. Chivalry was not dead, but I almost was!  I can tell you I was not nice. I was not respectful, complimentary, understanding or cheerful. And being in the position I was, not too interested in her situation.

But on this occasion in stark contrast to her usual authentic self, she was really nice – She could afford to be.

TM Brian Fernandes

Winners Club