My own Superhero - StupidMan

In my younger days I was an avid reader. Reading transported me to a variety of places, transformed me into a variety of people, and gave me performances in a variety of walks of life from sports to counter terrorism that I could only dream of... when I slept. It was different matter that when I woke up, I was as ordinary as ordinary can be. It made me a super hero.

 I use to read anything that came my way... ranging from novels to comics, from MAD to Archie’s and everything in between, provided it held my interest from the first word.

I was not immune to superheroes, given my rather plain looks, family pack abs, timid and introverted nature.  I was the perfect breeding ground for a superhero seed to sow and grow.

In my time, there were two superheroes that dominated the landscape - Superman and Spiderman. They had many similarities, and some differences - They were both S Men – when outside, but at home both became YES Men!  They were manly not because of their v shaped upper body, but because they had the word ‘MAN’ in them.  They both displayed their inner wear – one outside and the other, neither inside nor outside.  Superman wore cape that would flutter behind him when he flew through the air, without the benefit of Air India, while Spiderman climbed walls with the help of his artificial web. They both helped good triumph over evil and lived ordinary lives like me, when they did not imbue their superpowers.

When I read about them, I got transported into a world of my own and became my own superhero…. I called him….Stupid man. His name too began with S and ended Man in it.  And at home, an ordinary home, like theirs, he was a total Yes Man. He too functioned in two modes - Superhero mode and Aam aadmi mode.

In his aam admi mode, Stupid Man was the anti thesis of his superhero mode. He had the body of superman, the good looks of a SRK, and wore the clothes of page 3 celebrities,  but was unfortunately a dumb klutz. Hence the name. For example, he would attend a toastmasters meeting and listen attentively to TM’s coming up with tall tales, and believe each one of them, to be true.

In his super power mode, he was unlike our two superheroes - He wore his Stupid Man embossed flowered underwear inside his loose fitting white shirt and denim abcd pants.. his shirt tail would hang out and his belt would be half way down his buttocks.  Of his attire, all but the underwear was transparent! His body was such that an ECG machine would be continuously beeping! His cape was like a kimono open at the sides, and would blindside him as he floated through the air like an eagle. But the beauty was,  he always knew where he was headed! He wore floaters and raybans and was a slim lanky dorky looking guy with round specs and wavy hair. Your ordinary nerd...with extraordinary powers to control, Alter and Delete! your thoughts.

He could see what you were thinking with his xray vision, and feel what you were feeling, Doppler heart, and manage those thoughts and feelings without your knowledge either for your benefit or not!

And that was what was scary - It was scary cause he could fight without fighting, create fights without screaming or getting physical and make politicians loose elections by inciting them to make inappropriate comments like - boys will be boys.

How did he get his superpowers? He was not born of alien parents or such like. He was the illegitimate son of a distressed farmer and a rich and powerful politician, who wangled for the distressed famer, a chance to participate in GM trials of a new insect resistant mango variety. There were only two trees and only one had begun to yield fruit. Stupid man wandered into the field and partook of the forbidden fruit in its raw form, despite his father telling him it’s forbidden. He was like that, irreverent and disobedient. He added some chili powder and salt he carried with him and under the shade of the very tree, he enjoyed his snack.

Soon he discovered, and without warning, that he could see what the bulls in the field were thinking as were the cows, (the bulls: come hither you pretty thing, and the cows: oh bull crap) when he looked directly at them in their face - and he tried to shut out those thoughts, and he found he could only do that when he looked away.  Gradually he also discovered this power over human beings when at home, he could hear in his head, his father  thinking of Shilpa Shetty, while telling his mother, Sweetie pie, I love you, You’ve cooked my favorite Dal fry today. He was tempted to substitute his mother’s thoughts, which revolved around gratefulness, but looked away just in time.

He discovered also his power to do good… or bad.  He was returning from a night at the movies, ironically called batman, when, as he was flying through an upscale neighborhood he heard loud voices. He arrived at the window and what did he see?

A young lady was being strangulated by her mother in the presence of her husband and his son! It seemed like that and he confirmed it when he looked into their minds. She was screaming silently – You, you you’ve brought dishonor to this family, I told you to have nothing to do with him and you went and lived with him. Let me see how he can help you now.  The victim was thinking, please please don’t kill me, I fell in love with him just like you did. And the step dad was thinking, Ive got to choose and fast. It’s complicated. I love both of them

In comes our superhero passing through walls and doors and reverses the thoughts in their mind and prevents a murder… How? I love him, please let me share him with you? And he says please dear? And she says yes I Love both of you more than I can say.

The Son just looked on in amazement as stupid man flew out the window!