Fear is the key

I recall when I was in school that I was afraid of a great many things and I’m pretty sure you were too. Not phobias simple fears that dictate our life. Agree or disagree?

You disagree? – Let me repeat what Jesus said to a crowd who wanted to punish an adulterer who had approached him for forgiveness – Let those of you who have not sinned, cast the first stone!

But let me tell you my story.

The Scene you just saw was when I mustered courage to face a leather cricket ball for the first time. I wanted to play, but I was scared. It was school team selection time. Go Pad up, the coach said, and I did. Unfortunately the guy bowling to me was the fastest bowler in the school at the time.  All kinds of negative thoughts were running around my head, but my body language was positive – Can u face this guy, what if the ball hits you, can u live with broken bones, can u bear the pain - Obviously I flunked, not because I didn’t know how to hold the bat, but I was scared of the speed of the ball and the damage it would cause me, if I missed it with the bat! I feared the unknown

I gave up for three years as I feared failure and humiliation, and then I decided to give it another try.  I flunked again, but with encouragement and support from close friends, and family, and my father who would bowl gentle long hops to me at home, I tried again in the ninth standard and managed to play for the class team if not for the school team at the top of the order – No great success, but I was in the thick of things.

Also in school I found that I couldn’t not look up at tall trees or buildings – there weren’t many in those times without all sort scary thoughts going through my head.

I look reasonably intelligent, now that I wear glasses, but I was at that time too and I realized that it was something about – I must confront my fear. So one day at home, I climbed a tree. Going up I was successful, coming down I got stuck in wedge and I didn’t know how to extricate myself, until someone, I don’t remember who, came and rescued me. I still have the scar – I would have shown you, but Ill have to remove my trousers – so no.

Following that, the most I’ve done is climb the stairs and a ladder.

But don’t ask me to look down from the Burj Khalifa, even if you buy my ticket to Dubai.

We’ve all gone through teenage years – when rejection and failure are two recurring themes.  They manifest in our behavior in various ways and how we overcome these searing feelings during adolescence determines our success or failure later in life.  I too have been through them.

Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the real or imagined threat of danger, pain, or harm and is propelled by our thought process. Like the time before an injection, or your first drive in a car, or a crunch exam or even before you get married – what they call butterflies in the stomach. These simple fears dictate our behavior.

Thoughts are like a leaking bucket full of water…it continuously leaks, you try blocking it with your hand, cloth, even some sealing material, it will still leak.  It reminds me of that old scout song – There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

60000 thoughts go through our head everyday or around 41 thoughts per minute. Research has shown that Ninety-five percent of these thoughts are repeated daily and 80% percent of those thoughts are negative and lead to sadness, anger, regret and fear. And these thoughts dictate our The other 20% are related to happy moments,

Each one of us has experienced these negative thoughts that bring on the emotion fear – be it rejection, failure, the unknown, emotional commitment.  

It’s a formidable challenge.  Once fear sets in, it’s difficult to shake off and it becomes a mindset. Your mindset in turn governs your actions, which lead to your results in life.

 Fear is therefore the key my friends both to failure and success and the choice before you is fight or flight.   I chose the former.

After working at my career for 22 years in India, building up a strong network both professionally and socially I broke up a chain of thought I was nurturing for all of those years and went to the gulf, leaving everything behind including my family. After six years I returned and from the day I resigned, I was haunted by the fear of the unknown. My wife will bear testimony to that. I was unemployed, for the first time in my life, forgotten in society as I had not been a part of it for some. I rebuilt from there – Thanks to toastmasters and by putting my talents in Media to use .

You want to fight your fears like I did, I’ll give you some tips from my personal experience.

First Breathe, come on try it,

Now block out the negative thoughts,

Take action, however small, like I did,

Compete with yourself – First break zero, then your average,

Finally be different – If you dance without music like I am doing now, people might think you insane, but it will reduce your stress, boost your self esteem, and make you a person to contend with.

See! Im ready to face your thunderbolts – come on bring it on!